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  • Writer's pictureSabine Schoellhorn


Lately I am experiencing a lot of expectations dwelling up and seeking my attention.

Those expectations are about how I expect others to behave based on my own needs. I wish that I get the response I am intended to hear from the other person, if it’s not based on what I like to hear I feel disappointed. I am aware about how I am feeling and the behavior of others is outside of my control. So when I think about what I can control, is my reaction or acceptance towards the behavior from the other person that is presented to me. I can control how I feel about it, but I cannot control how the other person is thinking or feeling in that moment and how they respond.

When having expectations, in my case, I noticed, that I am not clearly communicating my need and I am guessing the other person will understand what I intend to mean or feel. We are all been educated differently and I cannot expect that the other person just knows how I am feeling/thinking about that situation in particular if I am not sharing it clearly.

It feels like that expectations are like fantasies, it’s wishful thinking. I have a wish about what I would like to happen, but I am not clearly communicating or taking the actions that will ensure that this wish becomes my reality. It’s rather an expectation how the situation shall be like, a dream state but it’s not formed into reality by taking the necessary actions to let the wish become true.

So when in expectation mode, it’s easier for me to feel disappointment, it’s kind of a thought pattern I am experiencing. I am too focused on how I want the other person to react, then really understanding about how I am feeling about it. Where is this expectation coming from? What makes me wish to have a certain reaction from someone that is not in my control?

If you are asking yourself those kind of questions, you go deeper to explore what’s really behind all of this. I did some exploration about it and came to the conclusion to focus on what is in my control and what is not in my control. It’s really looking honest towards yourself, without any pressure and a “why” attitude exploring your behavior. Have acceptance about your being and really try to understand what is driving you, in your heart and thoughts.

Expectations are not bad per se, please don’t get me wrong, but it’s really how you manage the answer you will get if it’s not what you have expected to hear. What will you do about it? Another way to look at it is about your intention about the situation. What was your intention to share your feelings/thoughts with someone and what has been leading to your expectation mode?

Having strong intentions are leading to actions, but if you are not sure about what you really want to get out of it, your intention will be weak and is more leading into expectation mode. So it’s really important to be honest and clear what you would like to get out of it having a certain reaction from someone. Once I gain more clarity and explored more about my needs it becomes more visible, what I truly want and that will help me to be in control more of my thoughts and feelings. I will be able to accept that my wishful expected outcome may differ, but I can accept it and move forward. I won’t feel as disappointed, but it’s more like clarity and understanding about the situation.

Have you lately experienced you are expecting a certain outcome/behavior from people around you? How are you feeling about it? Are you clearly sure about your intention and what’s driving you? What are you reactions if the expected outcome isn’t happening?

In Coaching we are exploring deeper about ourselves and I am supporting you to have more clarity about your intentions and what you are in control of in your life. It’s really a choice, to fall for the expectation and feel disappointed but seeing it from the bright side and letting it go because it helped to get clarity about your situation/feeling. It’s really up to you, you are in control of your life and your feelings and thoughts. And if there are no expectations about how someone else is reacting, then you will feel more peaceful too. Because you clearly shared what you were intended to say and it's more about yourself on how to reveal the message, not so much about hte other person's reaction. You cannot control others, but you can always control how you feel.

With love & light, Sabine


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